I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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