ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
