I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
