remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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