are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i think my cat just said my name.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
