the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
