You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
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