holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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