oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
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Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
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I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.