hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
i need some magic done to my vagina