god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
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just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
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Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.