People in love make me want to vomit
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
