I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Let's get the cat blown out
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media