not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital