i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
