I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
