i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
