You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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