fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Banned from zoo.
Again?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize