That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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