It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
