Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
