Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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