how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it