I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..