Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize