we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
