Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
