I love black thongs
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
