i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
