No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
