3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
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Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
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She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.