I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
