If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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