Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
