so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
