Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
