He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
