the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
