I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
