All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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