Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
