I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
