there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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