brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
