can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
please don't ironically join a cult
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