I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
