We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
