At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
