I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
