and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
