And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
