I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Randomize
