Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
