That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
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The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
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And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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