His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
