I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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