I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
