There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
