Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
