whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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