he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
How does one acquire holy water?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
