Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
