Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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