brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
