Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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