everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
