bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
