I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
