i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
