Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
