i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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