you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
