The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
