i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
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