Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
