Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
