I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
