The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
