I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
