Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
