he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
In America we eat man semen.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I AM VODKA MAN
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
