the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
