imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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