I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
