I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
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