just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
