My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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