party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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