Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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