You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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