I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize