youre lurking in front of me
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
