P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize