its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
